who understands?

in the sch com lab now. im supposed to be studying but my mind is too burdened to get any work going.

1 year in council, it has been the most exciting but yet to a certain extent extremely torturous. i lost myself in the course, or have i? i've changed to become someone different, sumone more mature, less impulsive, but all these while trying to fit into a stereoype, its stifling. i nv once said it out but i feel that now eveything is over i have some right to let these feelings loose. no one realli understands. no one would noe what its like to live a life that isnt defined by yourself. so much for a cca that lets u decide what u want. i din realli have a say in who i want to be - everyone else decides for me.

no doubt being the president has empowered me to empower others- to a certain extent. but it is truly my regret to not be able to get into the lives of so many others. my contributions- are they really significant? what have i done for college? what have i done for council? who recognises?

i told myself never to look back at council regretting, but now the regrets overcome the satisfaction. i just need abit more assurance and affirmation. it din come. who understandas the pain of being the president? who understands the pain of having to be the bad guy?